He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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