why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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