is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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