the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
In America we eat man semen.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
