The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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