That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
