I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
