she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
