woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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