...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
