she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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