Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
