i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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