I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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