He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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