We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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