Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
