You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
