home. puking in laundry basket.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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