I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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