I heard we made out
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
