Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize