As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
