after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
