My friends, they love my intelligence
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
