I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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