ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
