I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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