I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
