Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
