and you said cock pushups were impossible
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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