i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
