At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize