He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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