Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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