I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
