So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
