xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
