I bet he comes in French.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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