Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
