I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
