shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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