Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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