Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
