ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
