I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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