If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
