Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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