ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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