and you said cock pushups were impossible
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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