so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
