I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
