I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
