wrigley field is MILF paradise
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
