Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize