tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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