If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
