wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize