I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
