the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
