Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
