What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize