I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
