I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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